The Scariest Month EVER
by Mini-Chobi
Summary: What happens when Tsunade tries to make peace with enemies? Will Shikamaru and Tayuya actually be able to stop trying to kill each other long enough to comunicate? Will Kakashi be able to keep his life facing a whole month with Itachi and Kisame?
1. Wakey wakey!

Hello everyone! I got this idea from 'Right Out of a Hat' by Gohan209. You should read it, one of the funniest things ever! Everyone was musing about how, if Shika and Tayuya got put together, all hell would break loose. Well, guess what? All hell breaks loose here!

Anyway, I hope you random people like this...

This was rather a lame starter, wasn't it?

**CHAPTER ONE**

Chirp! Chirp!

Shikamaru groaned and woke up. He turned to look at his digital alarm clock. Still 5:00 in the morning… what sort of important mission is this?

Walking over to the slightly opened window, he saw the little mission bird on his window sill

"A mission?" asked Shikamaru, praying to God that the stupid little bird just landed here for no apparent reason.

The bird cocked its head and fixed Shikamaru with a beady glare, as if to say, 'No, really, Shikamaru? You lazy ass bum! Why else would I be here?'

Shikamaru grumbled something that sounded like 'troublesome' and closed his window, pulling down the curtains. He changed into his daily clothes, put on his Jounin vest and strapped on his shuriken holster. (A/N: Yeah, apparently, it's a shuriken holster. AndI thought it was a kunai holster...

He walked downstairs, toasted some bread, put it in his mouth and walked out the door, chewing on his toast.

Quietly, he walked down to Tsunade's office. The streets seemed so... empty, compared to the busy, bustling roads of Konoha in the day. But they weren't completely empty. Shikamaru could see someone some 10 feet away, walking along groggily as well.

Stuffing the rest of his toast in his mouth, Shikamaru took a shuriken from his holster. He aimed, and threw the shuriken. If the figure hadn't heard the weapon whistling through the air behind it, the shuriken would've whizzed by its right ear without harming it. However, the figure had quickly stowed away a book, and jumped back anyway, whipping out a kunai and several shuriken(s) in the process.

Shikamaru grinned as he saw Kakashi register who threw the shuriken.

"Hey! Kakashi!" he called. "I didn't give you a heart attack, did I?"

Kakashi smirked underneath his mask. He put away his weapons, clutched his chest, and pretended to be struggling in pain kneeling on the ground.

Shikamaru laughed. After these 7 years, -all differences such as sensei and student forgotten- he, Kakashi, Iruka, Jiraiya, Tsunade, Naruto, Sakura, Asuma, Ino, Chouji, Kurenai, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Gai, Lee, Tenten, Neji, Gaara, Temari and Kankurou had grown to be a very tight-knit group of friends.

Their way of surprise-greeting one another? Throwing a shuriken that ALMOST hits the other person.

Gaara was Kazekage, Temari and Kankurou being his Sand advisors. To secure the alliance between the Hidden Sand and the Hidden Leaf, Shikamaru had become a strategist for both Leaf and Sand, and Gaara annually sent some Jounins to help train the Genins in Leaf. Plus, Naruto and Kakashi had become the Leaf advisors for Sand.

Naruto had become Jounin, as well as Shino, Shikamaru and Lee. Neji had joined the ANBU with Tenten and Kiba. The rest were Chuunins. Sakura and Ino were training to be Jounin along with Chouji and Hinata. The former senseis helped out a lot too, with Jiraiya or Tsunade dropping by once in a while. (All the girls were very uncomfortable when Jiraiya came, and usually fled to safety… aka the other senseis) However, most of their free time was spent on helping Naruto train to be Hokage.

Kiba was constantly teasing Naruto on how he'll NEVER improve enough to become Hokage before himself. Naruto would reply and tell Kiba that he planned on being the 7th Hokage, because that Team 7 was the squad he was on with Sauske, (who still hadn't come back) Sakura and Kakashi-sensei. (those were the only times he addressed Kakashi as 'sensei')

Contrary to Kiba's teasing, however, Naruto was actually improving at alarming rates, mastering both the Rasengan and Chidori, (and all the jutsus everyone knew that wasn't an exclusive jutsu to a clan, or a Bloodline Limit, although Shikamaru suspected that Naruto was secretly trying to learn his Kagemane) thanks to his friends and former senseis helping him train.

Unfortunately, those helping-Naruto-train sessions never really turned out well for any of them. You know, agreeing to help out with target practice, and before you know it, Naruto has labeled YOU as the target, and then you end up as a human torch or something?

Anyway, enough talk about Naruto burning his friends to crisps. Let's go back to the scene with Kakashi and Shikamaru.

After pretending to die for a few more moments, Kakashi stood up and waved. Shikamaru walked over to the 33-year-old, (do the math, he was 26, 7 years has gone by!) laughing.

"So, you got a mission too?" asked Kakashi, taking out his book again and walking along the road.

"Yeah," replied Shikamaru. "Wonder how important is this, to wake us up this early?"

"Dunno," yawned Kakashi, rubbing his eye with his free hand. "I hope it isn't something stupid."

"Better not be to drink sake with Tsunade..." grumbled Shikamaru. "That last time was very troublesome."

Kakashi grimaced. The last time Tsunade was frustrated, she had forced him, Shikamaru and Neji to drink sake with her in the dead of night when they were returning from a party at Sakura's place. They had all woken up in different stores, and had a very hard time convincing other people that they were drunk and didn't have any intentions of stealing anything. Neji and Shikamaru were still in really tight spots though, since the legal drinking age was 21.

"Don't remind me," muttered Kakashi.

"Is that Lee?" asked Shikamaru, pointing ahead to a figure with a bowl cut that had its back to them. "Or is it Gai?"

Kakashi made a face.

"You can never tell from the back, Lee and Gai look exactly the same now..."

Shikamaru chuckled. He was going to tell Kakashi how troublesome it was, when a voice rang out behind them.

"Hey! Lazy genius! Copy cat! Fuzzy eyebrows!"

Shikamaru and Kakashi grinned at one another. Naruto had made up nick-names for everyone- Shikamaru was lazy genius, Kakashi was copy cat, fuzzy eyebrows related to Gai and Lee, weapon girl was Tenten, Sakura was pink, Iruka was cross-nose, Jiraiya was Sannin perv, Tsunade was sake woman, Asuma was cigarette maniac, he called Ino bossy-girl, Chouji FA, (which, unbestknown to Chouji, meant fat-ass) Kurenai was primp, Hinata was the shy purple, Kiba was mutt, Shino was bug-boy, Neji was fate-boy, Gaara was FHPD, (which stood for former homicidal-psycho dude) Temari was fan-girl and Kankurou was the puppet-boy.

Many of these nick-names resulted in boos and cat-calls, which eventually turned out to be bursts of laughter as Naruto carefully defined why each nick-name was given to the various people.

Oh, and one thing. Everyone thought of a nick-name for Naruto.

The whiskered labeler.

Which was a total burn for Naruto.

Anyway, they continued on the walk to sake woman's office, meeting up with fate-boy, cross-nose, pink, cigarette maniac, weapon girl, mutt, bug-boy, primp, shy purple, bossy-girl, and FA on the way there.

Go figure.

Well, well, well. So what's the mission? Hmmmm... sorry the ending (and start) to this chapter was kinda lame.. I got a little lazy… I'm aiming for some humour in this… XP Not doing very well, am I?

You can only say one thing.

That this is totally random...

Sorry if you think this is a litte too Shikamaru centric, or that I made anyone too OOC... review please!


	2. No Stripping!

When they arrived, Jiraiya was already there outside Tsunade's door, uncertain of whether to knock or not.

"Someone go in and wake up Tsunade..." mumbled Naruto, rubbing his eyes. "It's barely dawn and I want to know what she woke us up for..."

No-one moved.

"Hey, did anyone hear me?" asked Naruto.

"We all heard you," replied Neji. "We just all don't want to pummel to earth when Tsunade wakes up from her dream of beating Jiraiya to a bloody pulp."

"E-excuse me?" Jiraiya said, eye twitching. "Since when has Tsunade dreamed of beating me to a bloody heap?"

"Since when you called her a flat-chested bitch," replied Shikamaru, rubbing his head. "Someone give me a helmet. I'm going to do it this time. I think it's my turn..."

Kiba grinned. "Thanks for taking my turn, Shikamaru. Here. I've got a helmet." he smirked, pulling a helmet out from nowhere. Akamaru barked, causing Kiba to cringe as a rather wide-eyed Shikamaru reluctantly put on the helmet. "Akamaru! I am not a stupid coward!"

Akamaru barked again.

"No! I AM NOT A COWARD! I AM NOT!"

Bark! Bark!

"Am not!"

Bark! Bark!

"He volunteered, damnit!"

Shikamaru smirked a little as he saw the angry Godaime come rushing outside, screaming at Kiba for interrupting her 'beauty sleep', (like heck she needs it) and proceeded to hitting him pretty damn hard.

"Knew this would work... free helmet and protection while Kiba gets the crap beaten out of him..." Shikamaru whispered to Chouji.

Chouji munched his chips worriedly.

"Shouldn't we... you know... save him?" asked Chouji.

Shikamaru glanced back at the cowering Kiba and Akamaru.

"Right about now, yeah, before my eardrums break. These don't come with earmuffs you know..." muttered Shikamaru, stepping up to restore peace between the enraged Godaime and the frightened ANBU. Funny how one could be brave enough to mindlessly assasinate an enemy, but then cower in the presence of an angered friend...

When all was calm again, (although a very bruised Kiba kept glaring at Shikamaru, and Shikamaru pretended not to notice while edging farther and farther away from the ANBU member) Tsunade turned to the ninjas assembled.

"This, is a very peculiar mission," she started. "Leaf and Sand have made an alliance through Gaara, Temari and Kankurou, but we have yet to create alliances with other countries."

"So... what's this? Are we supposed to be all buddy-buddy with Orochimaru?" Neji asked.

Tsunade glared at him. "Not Orochimaru, specifically. However, we are all assigned... people... whom we hate, and we are to make peace with and form alliances with their countries."

"And these people are?" asked Asuma, cringing at the thought of spending time with some nemisis still unknown to him.

Tsunade pulled a list out of absolutely NOWHERE and began reading from it.

"Kakashi," she began. "to settle some conflicts from your youth, you shall be spending a month with Deidara, who is formerly from Boulder/Stone, and-"

Tsunade didn't even get to finish her sentence.

"WTF? NOOOO!" yelped Kakashi. "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE THOSE BOULDER/STONE BASTARDS! THEY KILLED OBITO! NEVER!"

Tsunade sighed. "I wasn't finished. In addition to Deidara, Hoshigaki Kisame and Uchiha Itachi will be joining you as well."

"WHY COULDN'T I GET ANIKI?" yelled Sasuke, steam coming out of his ears, acting very OOC. "I WANT TO KILL HIM!"

Kakashi, at this point, was acting completely OOC as well, jumping up and down like a maniac, screaming at the Godaime that he would not accept this mission no matter what, steam coming out HIS ears, the look on what little you can see of his face telling you he was ready to kill. This shocked Sasuke so much he stopped throwing a fit.

Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, Jiraiya, Neji, Shikamaru and Naruto instantly rushed fowards to calm Kakashi down. This, however, proved to be very difficult, if not impossible. Finally, Tsunade used her super-human strength to knock Kakashi out, anime tears were still flowing down Kakashi's mask and face.

Naruto then noticed something the others failed to.

"Hey!" screeched Naruto, pointing at Kakashi-sensei. "He's defenceless, and won't notice a thing, right?"

The senseis, Neji, Shino,and Shikamaru instantly caught onto what Naruto was saying. (I guess Sasuke would catch on too, but he's still kinda shocked at Kakashi's weird behaviour)

"No, Naruto," said Neji. "He's unconcious. It's not proper."

"...no," Shino.

"You have to make everything so troublesome, don't you?"sighed Shikamaru.

"Awww... c'mon! We'll put it back on! Just a little peek!" whined Naruto.

"Naruto," said Asuma strictly, "how would you like it if someone took away... I dunno... your pajamas or something while you slept, just because they wanted to see something you wouldn't like to reveal, like a birthmark or something?"

Naruto thought hard on this one.

"I probably wouldn't notice when I get up," he finally said.

Everyone that knew what Naruto, Neji, Shino, Shikamaru and Asuma were going on about slapped their foreheads. Everyone else was like 'wtf?'

"That's because you're a total DOBE, Naruto!" Jiraiya said, pointing an accusing finger at Naruto. "Peeking at women is natural for men, but Kakashi is a male! You're not saying you're GAY, are you, Naruto?"

Everyone who knew what Naruto was talking about's eye started twitching. Everyone that didn't was extremely confused. Apparently, Jiraiya DIDN'T know what Naruto was going on about, gotten seriously perverted thoughts in his head, and had taken this the wrong way.

"Jiraiya, are you sure you even know what Naruto is talking about?" asked Kurenai exasperately.

"Yes! He wants to strip his own teacher!"

More slaps to the forehead and lots of gasps and giggles from the feminine lot.

"NO, you idiot!" Tsunade said. "Naruto wants to see his FACE, moron!"

Jiraiya blinked. "He does?" Jiraiya asked. "You mean, Naruto doesn't want to..." he looked a little embarrassed. "Hehe... what was I thinking? Naruto isn't gay!"

"You thought Naruto was gay?" asked a voice.

They all turned to see Kakashi rubbing his eye, looking groggily up at them. "Damn, Tsunade... that's going to hurt tomorrow..." he muttered.

"No, Jiraiya did," said Ino. Just because she had to get SOME dialogue in this chapter.

"That's sick!" said Kakashi.

"Apparently, Naruto wanted to see your face when you were unconcious," explained Sakura. Hey. Sakura's got to have something to say too! "All the senseis except for Jiraiya clearly understood what he meant when Naruto said that you were defenceless and couldn't feel a thing."

"Shikamaru, Neji and Shino understood too," piped up Chouji.

"Jiraiya THOUGHT he understood what Naruto meant, but he DIDN'T," continued Tenten, because I've just noticed SHE hasn't said anything EITHER in this chapter.

"And he thought that Naruto was thinking of stripping you! My sensei's eternal rival!" gushed Lee. I've just noticed Lee doesn't do anything EITHER.

"Then Tsunade explained that Naruto just wanted to see your youthful face!" Gai finished. "The end!"

"Oh, Gai-sensei!" said Lee with stars in his eyes. "That was such a beautiful ending!"

* * *

And because I'd be seriously demented or anti-Naruto NOT to put this in...

* * *

"LEE!" 

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

Sexy music in the background, wonderful sunset and waves... you know, the classic Rock Lee-Maito Gai embrace...

Everyone sweatdropped, and Neji, feeling that he had had his share from the Department of Wacky Events today, kicked them apart.

There was a pause as Gai and Lee were embedded in each side of the hallway, complete with messy hair and the swirly eyes.

"Oookkkk..." said Tsunade. "I know we should be used to that by now, but..."

"It just doesn't really fit in 'normal'?" offered Shikamaru helpfully.

"Yup."

"P-please, Tsunade-sama, could-d you g-give us the r-rest of ou-our m-mission now?" stuttered Hinata. (again, she has done nothing in this chapter yet)

"Alright, what Hinata said. So..."

* * *

SO! Who gets paired up with whom? Will Sasuke ever get his revenge? Will Kakashi ever accept this mission? Will Lee and Gai be knocked out forever? Will Iruka finally get a line in the next chapter? Will Neji be getting more wacky events from the wacky department that doesn't exist and that I made up for no apparent reasons? Will the authoress keep on bugging all of you with pointless questions that are starting to get on your nerves? 

You'll see. You'll see. You'll see. I wish. Maybe. Probably. No.

R&R


	3. Underwear, Sasuke?

"Alright," chirped Tsunade. "Kakashi is with Kisame-teme, Itachi-teme, and Deidara-teme..."

"No, I'm NOT," Kakashi dead-panned, sitting cross-legged on the floor, pouting and crossing his arms in a childish manner. "I refuse to spend anytime at all with those three bastards."

"And I want aniki!" growled Sasuke.

I guess that's when they all noticed him.

"OMG SASUKE! YOU'RE HERE? WTF!"

"Yeah, you didn't notice poor little me?" asked Sasuke timidly,hengeing into a big-eyed, super-duper cute chibi of his younger self with tears forming in his eyes.

Neji stared. He was getting far more than his usual dosage of Wacky Events. Department of Wacky Events... lay off! PLEASE!

As the four girls cooed over chibi Sasuke and poked him like they would the Pillsbury Dough Boy, the male portion of the bunch stared.

And stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Finally, Jiraiya cleared his throat like he was all important and everything.

"Tsunade, keep reading your list... girls... listen to her... don't poke Sasuke, or I'll grope you," Jiraiya announced sternly.

Sasuke canceled the henge and looked quizically at Jiraiya.

"That's perverted," grimaced Sasuke.

Sakura, Ino, and Hinata looked up at Sasuke from poking his chibi form's tummy, which was now his ankle, and instantly blushed.

Tenten sighed, got up and glared at Sasuke.

"Geez... did you always not wear underwear or something?"

* * *

This is on hold and I actually never thought of continuing this. However, I will ocassionaly put up a new chapter every once in a while. When I feel like it.

Oh poor Iruka still doesn't have a line.

MC


	4. Villians, Show Thyselves!

**I... am continuing this O.O rejoice, everyone!! XD**

**Note: Naruto:Shippuden! spoilers. Akatsuki members anime watchers will not yet know! But you already knew that since I mentioned Deidara and all...**

* * *

"Alright, so... after that incident... anyway..." Tsunade resumed the list-reading. "Naruto, you are to go with... what the hell?" 

"Who, who, Tsunade-baa-chan?? Who, dattebayo?"

Tsunade blinked and read the name again. And again. And again. And another time JUST to make sure.

"Well... it says you are to be paired up with someone called 'Every Villian in the Series'."

Everyone looked at one another.

"That can't be right," they chorused.

"And technically, we'd all be shoved in one big group, since we've all killed people, therefore making us evil, thus making us villians, since villians are generally evil people," Shikamaru pointed out.

"So... we all just stay in one big group...?" said Hinata uncertainly.

"Yes," replied Shikamaru, AS IF he was in charge of the whole thing and had a better concept on what on EARTH was going on than anyone else... which he probably did. "We are to mingle as one huge party with the people that is not OUR one huge party."

"Actually, we've kinda come to that conclusion as well," came a voice.

They all spun around -yes, the voice was at such a CONVENIENT angle so that EVERYONE had to spin around- to face the voice, and it turned out to be-

"Shikamaru, this isn't funny," growled Neji, staring at the shadowy figure. "Stop it."

"What? I didn't do it!" protested Shikamaru, waving his arms in an exaggerated manner. "That's not my shadow!"

"He tells the truth... for I am...!" the shadowy figure stepped into the light, but that was pointless anyway since he was still just a shadowy figure. "...the Akatsuki leader!!" he clenched his fist for the dramatic effect, but since they were facing him, they couldn't really see it since it was so shadowy and all, so it turned out to be rather pointless.

"Leader, you're being really fucking weird!"

They all spun around AGAIN to face the new voice.

"YOU!" shouted Team Ten.

"YOU!" shouted Naruto, since he's a part of everything and he KNOWS who the hell the person IS.

"ME!" shouted the person retardedly.

"..."

"... oh... I wasn't suppose to say that... was I?" asked Hidan, blinking.

"No," everyone answered him. EVEN SHINO. Because it was THAT lame.

"But you're cool so we forgive you," everyone added. EVEN SHINO. Because Hidan is THAT cool.

"But... I cannot forgive you for killing me!" snarled Asuma, taking out his trench knives. "You! Me! We battle! Now!"

"Oh ASUMA!" sighed Kurenai. "My hero!"

Remember, she IS his lover and all. He must've done SOMETHING heroic for her to like him... but maybe not. Maybe Asuma wooed her just by being his usual chain-smokin', bad-ass self. So scratch that part with 'My hero!' if you think the latter is correct.

"Yeah, I'll just cream you again," laughed Hidan, turning into a chibi and pointing at Asuma and laughing hysterically. Asuna was also a chibi, but a much more discontented one.

"NO YOU WON'T! I know your weakness!!" screamed Asuma in a child-like manner, pointing dramatically at Hidan.

"Oh Asuma... you're so brilliant!" swooned Kurenai, while half of the people trained their eyes on the two men and the other half stared at the lone woman.

"Oh... you do?" asked Hidan, turning back into his normal form, stabbing himself, and drawing the diagram on the floor to PREPARE FOR COMBAT!! Yes, IN THE HOKAGE'S OFFICE!

"Actually... I don't, but who cares!"

"Asuma! You lied to me!" gasped Kurenai, striking a pose that suggested she had been raped, put in with a bunch of piranhas in a tank, blown dry, and shoved back into her position. Yes, even though Asuma wasn't talking to HER.

"Well, that means I'll triumph again, you stupid fuck!" sneered Hidan, lashing out with his AWESOME three-bladed scythe.

"ENOUGH!" roared the leader, grabbing Hidan's scythe's handle part in his shadowy hands. "We are here to dominate the world, remember? Why worry about such petty things like rekilling a character?"

Hidan scowled and looked back at his circle with the triangle inside, while everyone looked shocked at the Leader's words. Dominate the world?? That is so cliche it's not NARUTO!

"So that means I drew the diagram for nothing?"  
"Yes."  
"And stabbed myself for nothing?"  
"Yes."  
"And got worked up for absolutely NOTHING?"  
"Yes!"  
"That's not cool! And that circle was the best that I've drawn yet! DaVinci would be proud!"  
"... are you pouting?"

Hidan glared at Leader.

"I'm not fucking pouting!" he said defensively, even though he so obviously was. Pouting, not fucking.

The Leader looked meaningfully at Hidan for another moment or so, then dropped the scythe, and motioned to the shadows.

Instantly, various villianous NARUTO characters materialized within the shadows and ambled into the middle of the office, so now the office was officially crowded.

Because of that, Tsunade used her new, AWESOME jutsu never seen in the series before to teleport them all to a field, so everyone was NOT crowded and shoved up close next to one another.

"So... uh... who are you all?" asked Kiba to the new arrivals, since he's the one that's missing out on all the recent adventures, and he's the only one who would TALK in this situation.

10 people stepped forward.

"I, as you know, am Leader," said the shadowy figure, glaring down at them all. "Respect me, for I am going to dominate the world."

A lot of people started running around screaming something along the lines of: OMFG THE SKY IS FALLING!! LEADER WILL DOMINATE NINJA-KIND!! CHICKEN LITTLE IS A PROPHET!! and other blasphemous things that they will most certainly be severely punished for when they die.

Next, Tum (see Possession and Lover by me opening A/N) stepped up.

"Hello, I'm Tum... and... uh... I have a flower in my hair?"

"Another shadowy figure, eh?" Gai quirked an eyebrow while looking ridiculously like Sherklock Holmes in a trench coat and hat that appeared out of NOWHERE. "I think we may be onto something, my dear Watson..."

"Yes, we are," replied Lee, nodding vigorously.

"Um... no, we're just shadowy cause Kishimoto hasn't drawn us much yet," explained Tum, gesturing wildly.

"Ah, I see!" exclaimed Gai, instantly stowing away his coat and hat to who-knows-where. "Case SOLVED!"

"...OH THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, GAI-SENSEI!!"

* * *

Really, the following doesn't show up often enough anymore. They used to be everywhere, now they're like... gone. You don't see them at all anymore. So I'll put in an excessive amount of Lee and Gai embraces to make up for the lack of it in OTHER fics not by me.

* * *

"LEE!" 

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

The ones that were SUPPOSED to be used to this classic manuever sighed and turned away. Those that WEREN'T had their eyes twitching like they had Tourette's. (that is... if I understand Tourettes correctly... I'm not entirely sure I do, but oh well)

And some of them just kept right on screaming and running around like lunatics.

The next guy who stepped up was met with gasps from Sakura, Naruto, Tenten, and Lee.

"YOU!" they screeched, shielding their eyes. "YOU!"

"Yes, it's me, un," declared Deidara. "I'm Deidara, yeah... and I like art, un!"

Meanwhile, Ino, who had, until recently, been running like a maniac, stopped, took one look at Deidara, and screeched her loudest yet.

"OMG!! IT'S MY EVIL LONG LOST BROTHER!" she yelled, shattering the eardrums of several people's ears. Luckily, Tsunade used her medic nin skillz to heal everyone quickly, so no damage was done.

"I'm... an only child? Yeah?" tried Deidara.

"You were missing ever since I was a mere youngling! Mother and Father always said I was their little princess and I was their only one, but I knew better! I remember you!" Ino said in one breath.

"Look... I think you're mistaken, un... I was from BOULDER," Deidara reasoned. "You know, the place where that Uchiha Obito died? Yeah?"

That earned him an INTENSE glare from Kakashi's single eye.

"What, un? Stop looking at me like that! It's weird, yeah!" said Deidara, obviously feeling uncomfortable at the grudge Kakashi held and the fact that he was being mistaken for Ino's evil long lost bro. "All right, un! ONE! I am NO-ONE'S long lost brother, yeah, and! TWO!_ I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OBITO'S DEATH, KAKASHI, SO STOP GLARING LIKE THAT! UN!!"_

"Oh... you're responsible," breathed Kakashi, his glare INTENSIFYING. "All of you Boulder nins are responsible..."

Apparently freaked, Deidara backed up and ushered Zetsu forward instead before Kakashi could start ranting.

"..."

"Um, hello," said Chouji. "What's your name?"

"... Zetsu. Canniball. Me."

"..."

"...?"

"..."

"...uh?"

"..."

"...hi."

"...? Oh... hi."

"WELL, since that's so awkward-" started Kisame. However, there was suddenly a movement, and Shino was standing with his arms outstretched in front of the group.

Everyone looked quizzically at Shino's outstretched arms, when suddenly a whole bunch of insects flew out and piled onto Zetsu's face.

... why, that was a TERRIBLE sentence!! Let's try...

Everyone looked quizzically at Shino's outstretched arms, when suddenly-

A whole bunch of insects zoomed out and swarmed onto Zetsu's face!!!

Alright... that's still miserable, but work with me for now...

There was silence... and then Zetsu started glowing yellow, and yellow puss started oozing out of his plant appendages. In seconds, all the buggies were dead, much to the dismay of one Aburame Shino.

"... I'm definitely eating you, Aburame..." hissed the plant-man.

Shino shrugged.

"WOAH! What was that yellow glowing thing!?" gasped Jiraiya, his eyes WIDE as dinner plates.

"I call it... the Zetsu Zone," replied Zetsu's white side of his face.

There was a slight pause, and then...

"Don't let your guard down," Shino said suddenly.

"_I will not let my guard down_ _for one instant, because I am the Pillar of Akatsuki_," retorted Zetsu's black half of his face.

"You're the... what?" inquired Hidan. "Pillar of Akatsuki? Since when?"

Shino and Zetsu (black and white sides) both shrugged, and said in perfect harmony (complete with Shino being alto and Zetsu being bass while devils sing soprano and tenor):

"Tezuka Kunimitsu from Prince of Tennis references."

* * *

**I know the last part with Shino and Zetsu was COMPLETELY random, but those two... they're a match made in heaven. Not the yaoi way, but like, awesome, stoic, plant/bug, mysterious man way XD**

**And Zetsu Zone has a better alliteration than Tezuka Zone. Tezuka's full name should be Zetsu Kunimitsu instead of Tezuka Kunimitsu LOL**

**And seriously. Where has all the Gai and Lee EMBRACE scenes gone? It's vanished from FFnet. It was here a year ago!! XO LET'S BRING BACK GAI AND LEE HUG SCENES EVERYONE!**

**May I also bring to your attention that Iruka STILL doesn't have a freakin' line? Yes... I'm sure I'm doing this on purpose now. It's like Iruka's non-existant. When do you guys think I should bring him in?**

**MC**


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